this is me surviving
Losing things you treasure is incredibly terrible. It is terrifying. It is something you can’t put into words. It is feeling a knife slicing your body, making it bleed. It is losing the ability to breathe. Losing things you treasure with your whole heart ruins your capability to understand life.
Gaining things you don’t expect to gain is awfully wonderful. It is strangely surprising. It is something that shocks your whole mind. It is finding your long-lost ruler in a pile of books in the drawer. It is getting a beautiful view of the rainbow after a rainy day. Gaining things is learning how to tie knots and untie it.
I lost things I wished I didn’t lose. I lost my chances, I lost my genuine smile, I lost my tears, I lost my trust, I lost my love, I lost everything I wished I didn’t lose.
I yearned it all. I was desperate to gain those back. All I did was jumping myself to the abyss and lost myself.
I tore myself into pieces.
I became an unsolvable puzzle.
I became a broken rope.
And all I did was trying, all alone. I gathered the pieces of my own puzzle and used it as the stairs to climb the abyss. I knotted the rope and wore it to keep me from falling again.
As I climbed back, I realized that I was on my own. I was always on my own and I will always on my own.
I, the unsolvable puzzle, have found my pieces back and solved it, on my own.
I, the broken rope, have learned to tie knots and untie it, on my own.
The unanswered questions are no longer waking my sleep.
I was always asking my ceilings;
what did I do wrong
where did I cross the line
who I had unintentionally hurt
when is it going to end
why it had to happen
how do I heal these injuries.
I did some wrong, I crossed some line, I unintentionally hurt people, I made mistakes, but that’s what you called life. I didn’t try to treat my wounds but I tried to feel the stings caused by the scars. I tried to live with it. My scars are the sign that I’m alive.
It had to happen so you can learn. Life is all about learning. You learn how to fail and fix, you learn how to hurt and heal, you learn how to fall and bounce, you learn how to lose and win.
Chances are not taken, so I am making chances.
I don’t want to get wrinkles too soon, so I am painting a smile on my face.
Slowly but sure, I am trusting people again.
And I discovered something I never expected, that I am capable of loving someone sincerely and unconditionally.
You have to learn about the world if you’re gonna live in it.
You have to learn how to lose if you’re gonna win the love.
